Signior_Laris

First journal in a long time (pissed off rant warning)

tennis_2005@msn.com — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 03:10:47 GMT

Ok, I need to get something off my chest...

I'm getting really sick and tired of trying to keep track of everyone and everything. I try my damnedest to keep in touch, and when, for the first time in god knows how long I actually have a night to myself, I can't get in touch with anyone in missoula. What pisses me off even more is that I'm able to talk with all my friends UNTIL I suggest hanging out...All of a sudden, they mysteriously never get my messages, or they never get back to me.

Frankly, I'm pissed. I care for my friends like they were my family, yet I can never get close enough to them to really consider them as family. Then, when they have important things going on, like anniversaries, or parties, or actual FREE TIME when I do, they suddenly get emo and upset that I'm not keeping track of them all the time.

Even Troy and I are suffering...we never talk (though gods know I try to talk every night), we never fuck, and we seem to be always fighting, and usually it's about some of the most petty things, like what spoon to use when making mac 'n cheese, who's sleeping on too much of the bed, who's turn it is for dishes, who hasn't cleaned up the house, blah blah blah.

Finally, it makes me rather upset that two of the people I consider to be my best friends will be leaving missoula to go on with their own lives this summer, and I haven't really hung out with them since Halloween. I certainly hope one of them reads this and knows how much I care about them.

end rant. comments, questions, debate, and snarky comebacks are welcome and encouraged now.

This is creepy accurate.

tennis_2005@msn.com — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 01:29:43 GMT

The Chocolate Oracle Says You're Classy

You are sophisticated, modern, and high class.

Your taste is refined, but you are not picky.

You are often the first to try something new.

You are honest and straight forward.

You have a distinct personality, and you make your opinions known.

And while people like that you keep it real, you can come off as judgmental.

You love being around people. Friendships are important to you.

You feel lost when you're by yourself... so you tend to avoid being alone.

The Chocolate Oracle

Cuz teh Lionz did it first

tennis_2005@msn.com — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 07:03:57 GMT

I'm such a copy-cat-who-thinks-he's-a-dog.

New News Year...or something like that.

tennis_2005@msn.com — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 02:14:04 GMT

So for all two of you who be watching this (and maaaybe one or two stalkers if I'm lucky), my 2008 end-of-year celebration post may very well be a long one, so bear with me.

First, in the news: School last semester went rather well. I'm just glad to be done with exceptionalities...next up, Ethics at 8 fucking AM...damn...Anyway, I won't know what kind of grades I got until the 2nd, so there.

As for Christmas, I have to admit I was terrified and anxious to go to Idaho again. I was concerned about being around a family of VERY devout mormons. For anyone who's met my parents, imagine them times 10, and you've got just ONE of my aunt's family members (family of 8, including the one that is already married and the one who is on a mission to Argentina). Anyway, the main two reasons I wasn't looking forward to it was that prop 8 passed with a HUGE support from the Mormon church (and knowing my mothers side of the family, they had a hand in helping it along). Secondly, my aunt clearly has empty nest syndrome after her 4th of 4 kids she's birthed has finally graduated and has been doing foster care for the past few years. Granted, it all started after her first kid flew the coop about 3 years ago, but you get my point. Further, she's adopted two of her foster kids, and they were to get sealed to the family per the mormon tradition in the Idaho Falls Temple for time and all eternity (yadda yadda yadda) the SATURDAY we would be leaving for Montana. Of course, I couldn't go, because I'm a idol-worshiping faggot. The big surprise came when my SISTER couldn't go on account that she needed special permission from her bishop and FORGOT the card that said she could go.

All in all, though, Christmas went very well. It was nice to be with the family, and NO ONE mentioned that I was not going to be at the sealing until the night before, when little Daryon (she's 12) asked "Are you gonna be there?" I said no, and that's when my sister said "Neither will I." I guess Daryon figured I had the same excuse. As for the spoils of war, I got most of what I asked for (books >_<), and a lot of cool things I didn't (settlers of catan, gift cards to hastings and walmart, among other things; yay warcrack addiction enabler and free food for a bit).

On the home front, Troy quit his job at Watkin-Shepard Trucking, and now has a job at DirecTV. The only problem with this is that he works from 2:30 to 11pm...which means every night I'm not working, I'm home alone and bored out of my skull without company. (party, anyone? jk) In any case, it's nice for him to have a job, because it was getting REALLY old being the breadwinner (jk)

Finally, I come to the thing I've kinda been thinking about this week, and I have none other than Sakita to thank. I remember reading his journal a few years back, and seeing that he did something similar to this, and since then I've adopted the tradition. The rules are simple: I will name off everything that happened to me this year that was either a first for me, or something I never expected to do. So, here we go, in no real order:

1) Be Proposed to; Circa mid February, Troy and I got in a very heated argument/fight which ended in him proposing to me (whoda thunk, eh?)
2) Be Jesus. Okay, so I was only the second-string Jesus...but still!
3) Be a student Teaching applicant
4) Loose my engagement ring (yes, I lost it *sad panda*)
5) Loose 10 pounds from working out with the lion (sadly, I got it back over christmas week >_<)
6) Actually see myself going to AC this year, especially if I get as good a refund check as I did last semester.
7) Planning for my first tatoo: lynx on my back, and I'm slowly forming my plans for it too!
8) Pick up shamanism, be really good at it, then just kind of let it go in place of the path of a peaceful warrior/shaman/pagan thing :P
9) Finally started a cross-stitch project for myself (not even close to done though)
10) Actually pick up and ENJOY World of Warcrack.

And that's about it for me. I'm supposed to either do a top 10, or a full list, but I can't think of anything else, so I suppose it's a top 10 this year :)

DONE

tennis_2005@msn.com — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 07:42:04 GMT

Finals week ended today for me...YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!11!1!!!1!11!!!!!1!!!!one!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank god this semester is done.

In other news, I have all of christmas week off ^_^

In other other news, I've discovered a new addiction: World of Warcrack.

That is all.

What's the Buzz?

tennis_2005@msn.com — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 05:52:45 GMT

So yeah...listening to JCS right now...going through massive withdrawals. I honestly thought I was over the show, but since finishing, I can't stop thinking about the show...what's funny is that I can still picture the blocking in my mind...even in the parts I wasn't on stage...

Re Everet: Troy caught him in the neverending web of lies. Haven't heard from him since that weekend.

Speaking of Troy, he had his 37th b-day...haha, old fucker :P I had to work that day, but we had a lovely evening with friends playing munchkin and Imaginif, this awesome game in which you vote on answers to questions about each other...really fun, but I kept getting the dirty questions...

Re work: I hate black friday. I hate dumbass customers who can't find their own damn feet. I hate lazy fat ass whales who say "I can't stand for very long" and yet will wait in line for a fucking wii or xbox360 for 30 minutes. I hate fucking associates who say "Oh, I closed last night. I'm not going to take my lunch break, and leave an hour early...oh, and by the way, all the closing associates will be coming in an hour late so they don't go overtime...so you're going to be stuck running the two busiest departments for an hour during the busiest two hour block of the day. See you later!"

Bitches all of you.

In hind sight though, having to work thanksgiving and and extra hour today will equate to big paycheck next week...which will be NICE...I might be able to actually start saving for AC this time around :)

Speaking of AC and thanksgiving and troy's b-day, it was really nice to hang out with Kiwa and Sakita. I was thoroughly amused when they came over for troy's bday. Not five minutes after they come over, Sakita and another friend of mine are debating the pros and cons of 4th ed D&D. Geeks all of you.

Finally, I've got the student teaching application due on Monday...it's fucking time consuming and annoying as all hell. I wish I could jab my eyes out with a pen and just skip to teaching at Next Step Prep.

Update at last

tennis_2005@msn.com — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 06:29:25 GMT

Jesus Christ Superstar was AWESOME!!!!!!

I almost lost my voice the first week of the show, but I figured out (somehow) to keep from losing it again.

Now I have time to catch up on homework (done), relax (soo not done :P), and do some cross-stitchin (something i haven't done in soooo long).

In other news, Troy and I got scammed by some fudgepacker in Georgia. The story goes that this guy, Everett, had moved up to Montana to be with a boyfriend. Turns out, the bf was a lying skank, and Everett was left in Havre with nowhere to go and no money. He gets ahold of Troy through gay.com, and asks him to help him out. Troy sends 50 bucks for gas, and we wait until 1am for Everett to show up.

He never does.

Troy gets a call from Ev later that day saying that he was in an accident as he left Havre and was admitted to the hospital. His truck had been towed, and needed 30 bucks. Troy sends the money, and no word from the poor bastard until tonight (two days later), when I text him and call him asking about how he's doing.

He asks us to come to Havre and help him out, but as we're about do to so, he says it's not necessary, that a friend got some money and might be able to help out. Turns out that the "friend" didn't get enough, and Troy sends him 100 bucks.

Just outta curiosity, I did a couple readings with the totem cards. I asked what the lesson was we needed to learn from this escapade. I got: Raven, Wolf, and Dragonfly. Raven, in this deck, is an amplifier to the next card. Wolf is Troy's totem, and Dragonfly is the totem of Illusions. Translation: The lesson was for Troy, and he needed to look past the obvious reactions. To make things even more interesting, I pulled another card for clarification. Who else would I draw than Lynx, the Totem of looking beyond the obvious for the true knowledge.

The second reading I did was on "What is the goal from this lesson?" Again, Raven, Wolf, and then Dove, the Totem of Calm and Serenity. Translation: Troy needs to take a moment to think things through before acting, instead of trusting his knee-jerk reactions.

So after being duped outta 180 bucks, hopefully Troy's got the lesson learned: If it walks like a duck, smells like a cat, looks like a dog, and says it's a llama, make sure it's actually a horse.

Or something like that.

Midterm Post

tennis_2005@msn.com — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 23:28:45 GMT

Mkay...Not much to talk about. Frankly, the only reason i'm posting today is because I feel like it and i actually have some fracking time to post.

School sucks, but not as much as it has in semesters past. I'm taking like 14 or 15 credits, but it's all 300+ classes in the Ed program, so tons of "group projects" but no papers (THANK YOU GOD!!!!)

Speaking of god, JCS has been coming along EXCELLENTLY!!!! We're just over 2 weeks away from opening, and by then end of tonight, everything will be completely blocked...which leaves more room for character development. As I'm one of the apostles, this is an awesome chance to get more into character. I've decided to be Andrew, patron saint of singers, Scotland, and Greece...anyone who knows troy knows that he's part Scottish. Anyone who knows me (otherwise, why would you be reading this???), knows I'm a follower of the Greek pantheon.

To add to the creepy destiny crap, before I decided to be andrew, we did a scene where the apostles have an 8-count, where they freeze on count 8. My freeze was with forearms crossed, fingers extended. Turns out, Andrew was hung on an X cross, not a T-cross like Jesus and Peter. Andrew also was the brother of John, and me and another guy are always right next to each other in scenes where the apostles are together.

So yeah...I'm Andrew.

In other news, work hours suck because I have to do the show. Troy and I are doing well. And I may or may not be commished by der Lion-buttz for a spandexdrous suit of non-furrysuit-ness.

UPDATE

tennis_2005@msn.com — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 05:28:10 GMT

on my new Dell Inspiron 1525!!!! yay!

Classes are good.

School is good.

I'm playing an Apostle and Jebus understudy in MCT's Jesus Christ Superstar.

That's about it.

The end.

Pre-birthday update

tennis_2005@msn.com — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 14:16:07 GMT

Well, it's that time of the year folks...when I look forward to celebrating the day of my birth, and it all comes crashing down on me, not the least of which is the fact that I have to fucking WORK THE NIGHT OF MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

But let me back up and catch you all up on what is going on in my life.

Denver was FUCKING AWESOME!!!!! I had so much fun there, and met some really fun people. I'm contemplating finding a job there when I get my degree (although I don't think I'd want to teach in Denver proper...maybe one of the suburbs would be nice). It would be nice to be able to say that I lived somewhere other than Montana for once in my life.

Troy threw a surprise at me when we were in Denver. He took me to see Sweeney Todd ON STAGE, and it was *AMAZING*!!!! This one was especially cool because they only had ten actors (one for each of the main parts), and they all did the music themselves. So, you'd have two or three actors singing, while everyone else was on stage accompanying...in some cases, the actors played WHILE singing! Holy crap!!!

I am constantly amazed at my ability to sleep in a car. We drove for a couple days, and not 15 minutes after we got going, my ass was asleep. I would be asleep for the next several hours, until I woke up and had to make a rest stop. We'd pull over, do our thing, and get back on the road. 10 minutes later, my ass would be out for the next several hours. What's even better is that after we stopped for the night, I would sleep all the way through the night, and I'd wake up in the morning all ready to go.

Work has been pretty good. I'm getting fairly good hours, and my 6th month evaluation is coming up at the end of this month. I'm not worried about not passing my eval...gods know I work my ass off every day. I'm more worried about not getting the raise I really deserve. I'm only at 7/hour, and I feel like I'm working like i'm at 9 or 10 an hour. I've talked with some of my associates about what they're getting paid, and what they got on their 6th month, and many of them say they got fucked...that they only got 10 cent raises, 25 cent raises...that some had been promoted to manager positions and they didn't even get a dollar raise! One manager finally quit, because he just wasn't getting the money he needed.

And on the relationship front, Troy has finally gone the way of the dodo. No, he's not dead, but Little Troy is, for all intents and purposes. Troy keeps saying that there is no problem at all with our sex life, that it's just me, that i'm the horn dog, that if I didn't watch porn all the time, I wouldn't be horny. I keep telling him I'm fucking 21 (soon to be 22), and that I'm genetically SUPPOSED to be horny. He just turns around and tells me to to stop making excuses (because he obviously isn't).

Honestly, I've just been getting more and more pissed off at him. I woke up this morning, and troy's spooning with me with a fucking BONER!!! I grind my ass into him lightly, trying to get him to react, and of course, he just rolls over onto his other side. So now I'm horny and looking to get it on with my other half before I have to get up and go to work at 11. The only thing that comes to mind now is a Margaret Cho quote: "Ok, well, I guess I'll just carry it over *sad sigh.*"

I honestly want to know, people...is this at all normal??? Should I be worried about something? Is Troy the one at fault, or is it me? Or is there genuinely nothing wrong with us, and I'm just being a whiny horny twink?

Update WTF????

tennis_2005@msn.com — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 04:04:01 GMT

Summer is here...after a freak winter freeze last week (I'm not joking..there was SNOW on fucking Mount Sentinel!!)

I finished off working at SHS, and it was SO MUCH FUN ^_^. I learned so much, and I can't wait to actually start teaching (whether that happens anytime soon is yet to be decided upon)

Work is....work.

My sister grajdamatated a couple weeks ago. And because she is one of the last three in my mother's side of the family to graduate, she, my mom, my two aunts, and their youngest two girls are all on a cruise right now for the next week. Bitches.

Tried some faux-sausage this morning for breakfast. I will never become a vegetarian because of it.

Lion and Panther are going to AC again. I'm sad I don't get to go this year, but I'm definitely gonna be saving for next year. ^_^

Troy and I are going to Denver Pride on Tuesday. We'll be traveling for three days, spending some time on a road Troy has not been on (I believe he said it was I-15 or something like that), so camping trip + Denver Pride = FTW.

Speaking of camping trips, we took one last weekend. I went during a 24hour fast, so I could get in touch with nature, and all sort of spiritual stuffs. Needless to say, I got reaquainted, and I've since been studying shamanism with a renewed vigor.

Finals week update

tennis_2005@msn.com — Thu, 08 May 2008 03:34:19 GMT

Dear God, am I glad this semester is over...i finished finals week today at 5pm, after i handed in two papers.

Basically, here's how it went down:
Monday: written and playing final for percussion; hand in a packet for C&I observation.
Tuesday: Playing final for strings; written final for History of Music theater.
Wednesday: Playing final for General music methods; performance jury for voice.

Keep in mind that on top of all this, I'm also still observing at Sentinel High School. When I'm not at a final, i'm over there waving my arms trying to get the students to sing (which they do). And lastly, I'm preparing for a concert on Tuesday!

And to make matters worse, last night, i started feeling really crappy...i woke up this morning, and my throat was dryer that the Sahara, my head was pounding like a jack hammer, and it hurt to swallow. Yes, ladies and gents, I have a cold...and it just HAD to happen the day of my vocal jury.

Needless to say, i should/could have done a hell of a lot better, but I blame my poor performance on lack of memorization, and of course, my cold.

Anyway, it's gonna be an interesting week...two full days of Sentinel observation, work on saturday, shamanism on sunday, two more days of observation, and a concert tuesday night...

Fuck i hate being sick...

I'm not that agreeable....am I?

tennis_2005@msn.com — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 23:48:10 GMT

My Personality


Neuroticism	71
Extraversion	62
Openness to Experience	46
Agreeableness	82
Conscientiousness	29

Mostly your emotions are on an even keel and you do not get depressed easily, however you experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. You tend not to talk much and prefer to let others control the activities of groups. You prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. You regard intellectual exercises as a waste of your time. You do not like to claim that you are better than other people, and generally shy from talking yourself up, however you will help others if they are in need. If people ask for too much of your time you feel that they are imposing on you. You strive hard to achieve excellence. Your drive to be recognized as successful keeps you on track toward your lofty goals. You often have a strong sense of direction in life, but may sometimes be too single-minded and obsessed with your work.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.

The best Myspace Layouts

Update

tennis_2005@msn.com — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 04:35:37 GMT

Yes, it's been almost 2 weeks, and I'm just getting to updating.

Frankly, I'm getting rather pissed off, and I need to blow some steam.

First, let me start with a rather nice update. Spring break was WAY too short. Not only was I working practically every day, but I was also doing nothing but homework. Thankfully, though, I'm almost caught up with the major headache that is my Choral methods reading: 2 books, each 400+ pages long, for which i have to take painstakingly detailed notes, and I have yet to even start one of the books. (however, I am almost done with the other.

Jump forward to this weekend. I, Troy, Mark, and Derek all got together to have dinner on saturday. We went to Sean Kelly's, which was a rather nice place, having never been in a faux-irish bar before. We then went back to the boys' place and watched Sweeney Todd while drinking Mojitos. First off, I love mojitos now. Secondly, Tim Burton went CRAZY with the blood in the musical. Fantastic music (gotta love Sondheim), pretty decent singing, and BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!!!!!!!

Anyway, back to my rant.
Work, school, and my relationships with friends and family are starting to take their toll on me. I'm working 28 hours average per week, mostly closing (ie, not getting home till midnight or later). Which then means I have no time to get ready for the next MORNING AT FUCKING 9 AM!!!!!! This also means I don't have time to do other things, like homework, or laundry. Moreover, I rarely spend time with Troy...that is, we're in the same room, the same house, same everything. Do we even acknowledge each other? HELL NO!!!! and it's not till we're in the intimate setting of our bedroom, when he's trying to sleep, that I can actually get his attention for 3 seconds, and it's always "Go away, i'm trying to sleep" MY FUCKING GOD I HAVE NO TIME FOR MY BOYFRIEND ANYMORE, AND HE SURE AS HELL DOESN'T HAVE TIME FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!

So, here's the solution I'm currently trying to put into motion:
first, LESS hours at work. I put in a request for average 15-20 hours until the end of the school year. Gods willing, I'll have time to actually do something worthwhile with my time.

Second, cracking the whip with homework. I need to be doing at least 1 hour of homework (this includes studying, practicing, or memorizing) every day. This applies only to days that I have to work. On days I don't (or on weekends, when I have more time), the minimum will be 3 hours.

Third, I need to light the fire under troy's ass. No more of this "we have no problem in our relationship" or "You're just imagining things. There's no problem." or my favorite, "I used to be a psycology major in college. It's all in your head." HOW CAN IT BE ALL IN MY HEAD WHEN THE EVIDENCE OF A DWINDLING RELATIONSHIP IS STARING ME IN THE FACE!!!!!!!!!!!

*gets on his soap box*

By "dwindling relationship" i mean this: neither of us can truly trust the other. After our little tirade in January/February (the one where I caught him in a lie about cheating, and he blamed me for "invading his privacy"), I can't truly trust him to not cheat on me, and he can't truly trust me to leave his personal stuff alone.

Frankly, I'm scared to death that one day, out of nowhere, he's going to say "I can't be in a relationship with you. I've found someone else" and this someone else will end up being a cute, young, dumb, asian twink named Hogan. After all, from what I've seen so far, those two are like a cute little happy couple (and I wouldn't put it past the little horny chink to want to BE a couple). And guess who's left out because said chink is only interested in guys older than he is? that's right ladies and fags, it's the lynx who's trying to save his 2 year and 3 month relationship, earn a college degree, and WORK PRACTICALLY FULL TIME!!!! I mean jesus, i don't have the strength to do it all, and Gods know I try.

Should I just say "fuck the relationship/shamanism/work/school, I have other things to deal with?"

I've asked for Troy's help, and all he's said is "Gee, a couple months ago, I was asking for your help, and I never got it."

WHY THE FUCK DOES IT ALWAYS COME BACK TO ME NOT BEING THE BEST BOYFRIEND, THE BEST STUDENT, THE BEST WORKER, THE BEST EVERYTHING, THE PERFECT *EVERY GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT* ON THE PLANET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DOES HE NOT UNDERSTAND THAT I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING STRENGTH TO DO SATISFY HIS EVERY WHIM AND WILL AS WELL AS MEET MY OWN EXPECTATIONS????????!!!!!!!

Be serious here, people. Is there something I am not seeing in our relationship? Am I being used and abused? Do I need to get the fuck out of this relationship while I still have some sense of dignity intact?

I find myself crying more often, feeling more tense than I've ever felt before, and turning to the Gods and the ancestors for answers.

I mean, as I'm writing right now, I'm feeling the salty tears hit my lips. Seriously, is there something I'm not seeing? Is there something I'm not doing? Why does no one answer me anymore? Why the hell do I get blamed for everybody else's fucking problems? And when I try to vent, why does the littlest words get twisted to turn me into some sort of freak who can't do anything right?????????????

Gods, I've been in this situation before, and it damn near killed me. And who's to say it won't succeed this time? Helevar and the rest of them have all been gone for over 2 years, and I don't have them to lean on anymore...

Since i owe a lion this...

tennis_2005@msn.com — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 04:28:26 GMT

Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me. It can only be one word.

No more.

Then copy & paste this in your journal so that I may leave a word about you.

*update will come later*

NEWS!!!!!!

tennis_2005@msn.com — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 23:00:42 GMT

WE HAVE A Wii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i have Twilight Princess to play as soon as i get a free moment or 10 hours...whichever comes first :P

Kitteh is happy now ^_^

In other news:
-Rach, I've been getting your numerous attempts at contacting me, and i'll try to call you when i can.
-K & S, we NEED to hang out...even if it's just the three of us doin whatever
-Cor, yes, i'm alive.

that is all

Random update in the middle of the night

tennis_2005@msn.com — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 08:07:07 GMT

And now, Petruchio, speak!
Speak Petruchio, though thy message is not for me, ya bastard.
Good morrow Kate! (We're on stage now Lilli) Good morrow Kate, for that's your name I hear.
Well have you heard, but something hard of hearing,

Anyway, enough with the Shakespeare and Kiss Me Kate quotes.

So, obviously, I'm having a blast with History of Music Theater. I'm learning a lot about so many musicals and their place on the Broadway stage ("oh! Mikado!") sorry...

School's going well, but it's also keeping busy. The sad thing is, I have a part time job now (Hastings ^_^), and it's kicking my ass...school during the day, work at night, usually closing and not getting home till midnight or later (like tonight). The great thing is: $$$ and plenty of it ^_^

Which reminds me...Kiwa, since you seem to read this more than Sakita does, who the hell is Dumari? does he still work at Hastings? There's this really cute guy named Jon, and I've been doing that coy pseudo flirting i do oh so very not well >_<

And speaking of those two...I recently have been attending a Shamanism circle, one that deals primarily with the Native American Shamanism cultures. The kewl thing is that Lion-butt and his amorphous blob of a boyfriend (unless he's finally decided on a form ^_^) have also been going, which is great. I don't see those two very often, and it's always nice to get to spend time with them. Although, what happened with Sakita this past week kinda had me worried (Kiwa, tell me he's ok!!)

I'm really getting into the Shamanism, and I definitely hope to continue my studies in it.

Anyway, i'm tired. i'm going to bed...and up in the morning for an opening shift >_< grrrr.

Pissed off...Rant warning

tennis_2005@msn.com — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 23:07:00 GMT

So I got a call about an hour ago from someone I haven't seen or heard from in well over 3 and a half years. James Alred, president of the Helena Stake of the LDS Church.

Apparently, he was in New York City, was on Broadway, and thought of me. A few days later, he runs into my parents in Townsend (fat chance of that...) and gets my number from them. Today, he calls me randomly.

I tried to be as courteous as I could while talking to him, as I really had no desire to even breath in his direction, let alone talk to the SOB. (moves to the side as lightning strikes the couch) Damn...I'm going to have to replace that...

Anyway, we're talking, and I tell him i'm a music education major, and he asks what my plans are after i graduate. I say "You know, it's still kind of up in the air. Where I teach is really going to depend on what my partner and I feel will work. If he finds a job where I can teach, then it'll work out great."

So yeah, I said the words "partner" and "he" to a fucking mormon (moves again) and he doesn't even seem phased by it. He just kinda goes on and asks what he (troy) does. Shortly thereafter, he says goodbye.

Either he was completely cool that I am gay and that I have a boyfriend (not likely, but not unexpected), or he was completely oblivious to the fact that I used the words "Partner" meaning boyfriend, and "he" meaning a man. (Most likely the better of the two excuses) Also, I find it interesting he never talked about me going to church...hmm...oh well. back to my rant

What pisses me off is that when I left for college, I also told my bishop at the time that I wanted my name off the records of the church. Apparently, that never happened, because I still received letters from churches in Missoula, inviting me to their services. Now, I have this fucking stake president calling me up and checking in on me. I'm half expecting to receive a call from President Thomas S. Monson himself! yes, i still remember the poor bastard's name (moves a third time)

I'm also kinda tempted to write a cease and desist letter as well as a "take me off the damn records already" letter. Legally, I suppose I should...*wonders how much that would upset my parents* Eh, considering i'm supposedly going to hell anyway, might as well take the scenic route, eh? ;)

This weekend

tennis_2005@msn.com — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 04:01:24 GMT

So this weekend has been really interesting.

My dad called last week, asking me if i was going to be at my grandparents 60th aniversary party. He mentioned that we'd be taking a picture of all 52 of the family, and i asked "mind if i bring troy and make it 53?" Without missing a beat, my dad said "Sure!"

But wait! It gets better!

Two days ago (day before the anniversary party), my mom calls.
She says "You're coming, right?"
"yes mom"
"Is troy coming too?" *gasp* she's asking about him!!!!!
"yeah."
"And are you gonna stay the night?"
"That's the plan..."
"ok! great!"

Now i'm really fucking scared that my parents are so gung ho about it...I went so far as to suggest Troy and I sleep in separate beds (for their benefit). My mom says "Sure, if that's what you want"

WTF?????????

Anyway, the party went well. It was kinda weird seeing everyone in the family, and introducing Troy as my "roommate" but, eh, whatever. I'm probably never going to see any of them again, so it's not a big deal.

Tonight, I met with this woman for a seminar in Shamanism. The great thing was that Sakita was there, so I got to see his side of things. I had a really powerful vision journey, which i don't really feel like sharing at the moment (more so because i've had to repeat it a few times already, and it's getting kinda boring). It really showed me what the fuck it is i'm supposed to do. It also gave me a chance to look into Sakita's psyche, which was really nice. He and I really don't seem to click all that much (and we never see each other), so it was nice to get to know him a little better.

Anyway, I have the day off tomorrow, so i'm going to be catching up on homework all day, then going to work at 4. Yayness

Because I'm fucking bored

tennis_2005@msn.com — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 23:24:58 GMT

Ok, so let me explain why the hell I just randomly went from "I HATE THAT FUCKING COCK-SUCKING CHEATING SON OF A CUNTY BITCH WHORE" to "We're engaged!"

When I wrote my bitchy post, I was pretty much fed up with the whole drama that led up to the post. A few days later, I'm checking his computer again, and I discover some insightful conversations. I won't go into them in as much detail as I did the last time, but the long story short is that about a year ago, Troy felt that I thought that sex and love were the same, ie, when I get sex, I get love. The kicker is that he was hornier way more than he was letting on, but didn't want to give me more, because he didn't want our relationship based on sex.

Anyway, I saved it to his desktop to send it to myself, and I forgot to delete it. So, that evening, Troy is on his computer and notices this document that has a conversation on it...Well, that's when it finally came out, that I knew he had cheated on me, and that I had documentation proving it. He did exactly what I thought he would, and said that I shouldn't have been going through his personal conversations. I keep calling him a cheater, and a liar, and all this other shit, and I finally break down into tears. Anyway, we get me calmed down, and we enjoy the rest of the night together (in a somewhat patched up kind of way).

As we get into bed, he starts getting horny and...yeah...we do it. What made this one so different from the others is that there was just so much pent up emotion and romanticism, love, and affection that was finally coming out all at once from both of us, that it was one of (if not THE) longest and best time we've gone at it.

And in the middle of all this, he whispers to me "Hun, will you marry me?" My thought process in the span of one second went like this:

Process the words
Realize what he said
Did he just?
Am I hearing things?
wait, he did just...
OMG, he just said...
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
He just asked me to marry him
OMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMOMGOMGOMG (ad nausium)

spoken: "YES!!!"

The hilarious part was after we had finished our fun, I started thinking about our ceremony. The first thing I thought was...not the date, not the location, not the guests, but Who will be the best man and the flower girl.

I told this to one of my friends and she said "Well, you're both gay...they could be the same person!"

I also hinted to Troy that I wanted a proposal the "right" way...you know, on one knee with a ring and everything. I know, I know...I'm a hopeless romantic.

So there you have it. I'm getting married, and you have the full story :P

In other news, a friend of ours invited us to go to Cat Tales in Spokane over Valentine's Day weekend with him and his girlfriend. If Troy's up for it, great! If not, oh well.

Addendum

tennis_2005@msn.com — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 04:22:50 GMT

Btw, if you didn't catch it, Troy and I are engaged.

Date and other pertinent info is TBA pending my graduation in 2 years.

tennis_2005@msn.com — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 04:21:32 GMT

1. Are you single or taken?
Taken. Very much taken

2. Chocolate or flowers?
I'm greedy! Both!

3. Will you do anything special for Valentines Day?
I hope so. Maybe Cat Tales again, or a surprise from Troy.

4.Do you like anyone?
Uh...I'm fucking engaged!

5. Were you dating anyone last Valentines?
Yup. Same person for 2 years (poor bastard)

6. What would be your dream Valentines date?
Hmm...maybe roses, a singing valentine, chocolate...and lots of hot, sweaty, passionate and romantic sex :P

7. Do you make a big deal about Valentines?
Kinda. We switch off who does the romantic stuff every year, and I've been reminding him about it :P

8. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
No, not yet.

9. Would you ever write someone a love letter?
Of course! They're sweet ^_^

10. Do you believe in Cupid?
I worship the Greek Pantheon. Do the math.

11. Do your parents give you presents on Valentines?
Yup

12. Do you still send out Valentines cards?
No, not really. Unless I find a really cute and/or funny one that applies.

13. Do you like candy hearts?
Yah ^_^

15. Is Valentines depressing?
Only if you don't have someone special to share it with. Or your an ass.

16. How do you feel about PDA?
I want! Troy is a different matter.

17. How is your love life?
Could be better, could be worse. Keeps me content ^_^

18. Have you ever been dumped on Valentines?
God no, thankfully.

19. How many roses would you want?
Lots of bright red roses ^_^

20. Will you have a boyfriend/girlfriend next Valenitnes?
Theoretically, yes, even though we're engaged.

Update (finally)

tennis_2005@msn.com — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 18:20:55 GMT

My fellow LJ'ers (and those of you who stalk me without commenting), I have finally worked myself up to actually updating this fraking journal.

When last I left you, it was before christmas. Update on that: It came, It went, and I got a violin out of it. Yes, ladies and gents, I am now a violinist. Granted, i sound more like a cat being drowned as it's being skinned alive, but I'm still technically a violinist.

The winter break went fairly well. Nothing exciting happened (except a couple things, which I'll get to in a minute), and it was a nice relaxing break from the hectic hell called college life.

School has been very well for me this semester. I'm FINALLY going to get my Observation class in this semester(as long as no one in the family dies, or some other horrible tragedy), and I'm still taking all my music classes, etc. I'm also taking History of Music Theater, which is rather fun. I'm still getting used to the class getting over at 6:30 *PM*, but it's still quite fun.

Now for the fun part: Last weekend, Troy, Mark, Derek, and I all went to Spokane for a few days. Let me tell you...that was FUN!!! Friday night, i had my first taste of Sake (rather good, I must say), got puking drunk, and had an attempt at drunken sex (didn't work out because we both ended up passing out before it got very far).

Saturday, we went to Cat Tales, a zoo/rescue/reserve for wild cats: Lions, tigers, panthers, lynxes, mountain lions, etc. Let me tell you...that was FUN! Sadly though, the ONE lynx they had there was hidden away from public view, so I didn't even get to see my own totem :( On the plus side though, I can actually say that bobcats are rather cute, Tigers and Lions are BEAUTIFUL, and Mountain Lions are really moody.

Anyway, I brought my deck of animal messenger cards, and Mark just went to town on them. He really does have a nack for it. Derek also has a pretty good feel for it, but only when he's using the mamals (go figure). I also learned a TON about my place in our circle, especially since I've continually felt down about seeming like I'm the little brother trying to tag along with the older brother and his friends.

So yeah...that's about it.

End

And Mine as Well

tennis_2005@msn.com — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 04:18:11 GMT

Troy's Daemon

tennis_2005@msn.com — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 04:06:35 GMT